I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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