i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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