I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize