Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need a burrito and a hug.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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