did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
