I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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