At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
