Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
