oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We left an ass print on the piano.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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