i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
