SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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