Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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