So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
