you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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