the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
