he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
as a side note pls kill me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
