My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
the day after is always just damage control
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
