Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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