I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
