I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
