I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
