Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
