Me too!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
