I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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