is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
