and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
