I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
