You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
