i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
