You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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