Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
