If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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