do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize