so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
