Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
