Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
