he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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