How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
