I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
