yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
