I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
