I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
