Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
