That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
