If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
