So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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