i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
