If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
