sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
