walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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