While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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