i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
