Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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