He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize