everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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