So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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