oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
