Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
