Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
