Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
