just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
