how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
