just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
