i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
