Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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