You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
