Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
