Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
