have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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