look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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