I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
