turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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