Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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