now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
