Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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