my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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