all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
