i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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