Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize