So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
