wakey wakey hands off snakey
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
