I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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