i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
