My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
