So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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