my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
