its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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