I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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