Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She even gives head with a lisp.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize