just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
