So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
